Lyrics of "Terry"

[This love song is largely based on the Tracey Ullman song "Terry", written by Kirsty MacColl and Gavin Povey.]

Why do you never listen to me?
I could be invincible to you
Anyway it doesn't matter
Now 'cos I have found somebody new

Sorry that your heart is broken
Why is your mouth hanging open?
Don't look so surprised
I've found another guy

Terry is my perfect match
He says our love will last forever
And he should know

'Cos Terry's not the kind
To mess around and change his mind
Terry is as tough as Marlon Brando

Now he's waiting for me
I just had to break the news to you
You'll have to hide your face away
If he gets mad, there's no telling what he'd do

I've noticed that your door is open
So if you don't want your nose broken
You'd better go away
'Cos Terry's coming round today

Terry is my perfect match
Terry says our love will last forever

Who wants to live forever?
Who wants to live forever?
We could soon live forever
Then even Terry won't stay true
And I'd move on to someone new

He's been making eyes at me
It started long ago
So when he said he loved me
I just had to say "I know"

You thought you were such a smartie
Terry knows about karate
There's no telling what he'll do
Terry's not a bit like you

Terry's also having an affair
'Cos I've lured him to my lair
If this gets out, there's no telling what he'd do
If it gets in the papers, he could even sue

[I've uploaded the song to http://bit.ly/cl3JzM and my MySpace page www.myspace.com/stephenkimwallis.]

Lyrics of "Three Lies On His Shirt"

[Largely to the tune of the Lightning Seeds' song, featuring David Baddiel and Frank Skinner, "Three Lions".]

He's not at home
He's not at home
He's not at home
Terry's not at home
(x2)

In the Champions League final
John Terry didn't score
He slipped taking a penalty
England have shown him the door

Three lies on his shirt
John Terry has been caught out cheating
Many hours of hurt
Wayne Bridge is not smiling

Terry knows he can score
He's cheated before
It's not against the law
But England have shown him the door

Three lies on his shirt
Wayne Rooney for England captain
After 40 years of hurt
John Terry's been caught out cheating

He's not at home
He's not at home
He's not at home
Terry's not at home
(x2)

Avram Grant is not smiling
He is such a bore
Portsmouth are not winning
He's been to a brothel before

He's not at home
He's not at home
He's not at home
Avram's not at home

They're not at home
They're not at home
They're not at home
Avram and Terry are not at home

[Listen to/downloaad this song at www.myspace.com/stephenkimwallis.]

"Three Lies On His Shirt" - new song about John Terry and Avram Grant

I've just uploaded a new song, composed and recorded this afternoon, about Chelsea's John Terry's alleged affair with Wayne Bridge's ex. Terry has been removed as England manager and this song calls for Wayne Rooney to be England manager.

The song title, "Three Lies On His Shirt", was inspired by the front page headline of today's Daily Mirror.

The song is also about Avram Grant, the Portsmouth manager, who has allegedly visited a brothel.

They're not at home
They're not at home
They're not at home
Avram and Terry are not at home!

You can listen to/download the song from my MySpace page www.myspace.com/stephenkimwallis.

Lyrics of "Manchester Shitty FC"

Manchester Shitty, Manchester Shitty FC
You're by far the richest team
The world has ever seen

And you're shit, shit, shit
Shitty shitty Manchester Shitty FC
You're by far the richest team
The world has ever seen

If you're shit and you know it, clap your hands
If you're shit and you know it, clap your hands
If you're shit and you know it and you really wanna show it, clap your hands

And it's Manchester Shitty, Manchester Shitty FC
You're by far the richest team
The world has ever seen

And it's Manchester Shitty, Manchester Shitty FC
If you're shit and you know it, clap your hands
If you're shit and you know it and you really wanna show it, clap your hands

Song "Manchester Shitty FC" uploaded to MySpace

Hi all,

I've just started out on the internet, and created pages at MySpace and Facebook.

I recorded a new song, dedicated to all you Manchester City fans out there, called "Manchester Shitty FC"! It's not brilliantly sung, but it was the first take, improvised, on my Samsung D600 mobile phone. Hopefully, it will be sung at football matches by opponents of Man City. I hope to do a video soon and put it on YouTube.

I've uploaded it to my MySpace page at http://myspace.com/stephenkimwallis for your listening pleasure!

Best wishes, Stephen.